I’ve had to fill in a detailed form to get an extension which sucks. I feel like a failure and I had to write a million things explaining how I’m such a failure which needless to say didn’t help my mood much.
I have also gone through all my finances in an attempt to sort things out…being off sick and having no income is getting pretty tough and I need to get things in order so I can survive. It’s kind of gutting really.
It’s no wonder I feel down.
I hope they accept this extension. I’ve got to get a supporting letter from my therapist on Tuesday…that’s something I really didn’t want to ask him for either because it makes me dependent on him which frightens me.
Last session before is this Tuesday….3 weeks off. He’s having 2 weeks off and I’m adding a week on it to go away….I sort of assumed he’d be taking longer. I’m kind of regretting adding more time to the break but I also really need to get away with Sarah and spend some quality time together. On the other hand…it’s good practice to spend more time away from him as it’s getting to the end of therapy. I finish in March….but I don’t know if that’s the start or the end of March and that could potentially be a difference of up to four sessions so I might clarify that when I see him. After one to one with him I will be going into group therapy…I don’t know much about that - how long the group is, where it is and how long I’ll have to wait to go onto the group so I’d like to ask questions about that too. I am also quite concerned that the person that hurt me may receive services from this borough’s clinic because it covers such a huge area and it worries me that I may come across her or worse be in services with her. I had a vision that I went into the group therapy and she was there and I had a panic attack - an ambulance was called because I’d got myself in that much of a state and I withdrew myself from all NHS mental health services because I didn’t feel safe anymore because she had invaded it. I need to make sure this can’t happen.
On the upside tomorrow will be 2 weeks of no valium. I’m not trying to stop taking it it’s just that for the last two weeks I have been able to handle things without it and I’m pretty chuffed about that - it’s a start. If I need to take it then I will…I won’t torture myself by not taking it at any point should I really need it but if I can do without it then all to the good.
So yeah…I guess I should get on with work now…
Just walked into the bedroom to find my girlfriend bent over a draw she was getting pjs from.
I saw her bum and it was lovely…I think it will always be my favourite bum :)
This is a rare meteorological phenomenon called a skypunch. When people see these, they think it’s the end of the world. Ice crystals form above the high-altitude cirro-cumulo-stratus clouds, then fall downward, punching a hole in the cloud cover.
Is ‘I didn’t do my essay because doggy was on my laptop and I was dying of cute' a reasonable excuse to not do any work?
Ben is helping me study…he is looking after the most important sheet of paper on the bed and not eating it like a good doggy ;)
He’s now sleeping and having twitchy dreams and it kind of looks like he has a smile on his face.
Seriously, I don’t want to work I just want to have doggy cuddles all day long - why can’t there be designated doggy cuddle days??? I need to make this law.